The World as My Backyard

As a kid, and well into my teens and university years, I always tied my shoelaces super tight. I never thought of it as anything more than a personal preference. That firmness gave me this sense of readiness, as if I were fully equipped, ready, standing at my peak, prepared for anything.

In my early twenties, after moving to San Francisco, this habit shifted. I began wearing sneakers with laces so loose I could slip them on and off without touching the knots. I tied them once, neatly, and left them like that forever. I didn’t like them hanging or messy, but I wanted them loose enough so I don’t need to constantly re-tie.

In the past few years, there’s been another shift. I’ve been wearing Birkenstock Arizona sandals whenever I can. It’s become such a thing that I almost only want to live in places where I can wear them year round.

I hadn’t paid much attention to these changes until recently, when something clicked.

I realized that the way I wore my shoes was mirroring my relationship with the world, and the baseline comfort I felt stepping outside my home.

As a kid, I didn’t trust the world. It felt unpredictable and dangerous. Tight shoelaces gave me a sense of safety, I would feel ready to run at any moment. Loose laces would feel reckless, I would feel vulnerable and not in control.

In San Francisco, the world seemed gentler. I felt safer, more at ease, so my laces loosened with me.

And in the last few years, doing a bunch of spiritual / somatic practices softened a lot of my anxiety and tension in the body. More and more, the world feels like my backyard. Being outside doesn’t feel much different from being at home and Birkenstocks are sort of like a confirmation of that.

I’ve been consciously working toward a life where I feel at ease everywhere, as if the world feels like my backyard. But only now do I see how my choice of shoes has been quietly reflecting this progress all along.

This is what I love about practices like meditation and somatic work, compared to something rational like CBT. You’re not dissecting every symptom individually. Shifts happen somewhere deeper. Some part of you already knows what needs healing, and it just starts rewiring itself. Core things shift and the symptoms just fall away… and then one day you wake up and you’re like wow, I’m not who I used to be.